I may have told this story here before, but when I was about 10 or so, I was kicked out of Sunday school for the only time I ever attended. When the instructor asked if anyone had any questions, I raised my hand. The story of “Noah’s Ark” was new to me, so I had PLENTY of questions, and she rebuffed all of them before kicking me out of the room.
When my mother asked what happened, I told her what happened. She’d always told me to ask if I didn’t know something, so when I explained the experience, I figured I wouldn’t be in outright trouble, but I was worried how she might respond.
What she said was: “Do you want to get ice cream?”
And that’s when I knew that if I was going to find some kind of faith, or religion, or spirituality, it was going to be up to me. So since what I’d been exposed to wasn’t going to work, as an adult, I’ve created my own.
As I understand, there are four main things that make something a religion: a central figure (i.e. a god), a set of values, a set of practices, and good old-fashioned lore. My religion isn’t any different, it’s just completely in line with what I hold dear without any of the “no to that, yes to this” bits. Here’s the breakdown:
Central Figure: Kotifei
My “god” is Kotifei, a lowercase-”g” god to embody the tenets of the “holy”. The name comes from a combination of three words: coffee, tea, and café. I’d guess the majority of people would agree with the idea that warm drinks in a calm environment is about as welcoming as things get. Whether a café or a relative or friend’s house, sitting down with a warm drink and starting a good conversation is something all people can appreciate.
When I worked entirely “from home” a decade ago, my work environment consisted of dining room tables and a small corner of my local Starbucks. Enjoying a hot chocolate or mocha when mooching their wifi (through a VPN, don’t do any sensitive work without one on public internet access) helped me blend into the background and see people around me, people with their own families and fears and troubles and triumphs, people that grow more three-dimensional the more often they pick up their small black tea with two sugars or venti mocha frappes with oat milk and powdered cinnamon blended together… which, by the way, I HIGHLY recommend on a hot day.
With that in mind, there isn’t a universal appearance for Kotifei themselves. That’s part of the charm I think, they just look like your favorite (or “default”) barista at your favorite coffee place. For me, that’s usually a blue-haired, geeky-tattooed, gender-ambiguous person with an apron covered in cute buttons with a kind smile and ready with a lighthearted joke. Because who wouldn’t want a warm and tasty drink from a kind stranger that clearly wants everyone able to express themselves as they want?
A Set of Values
My religion’s tenets are simple:
- Empathy
- Kindness
- Thoughtfulness
- Creativity
As a god, Kotifei calls on trying to understand what someone is feeling, being an altruistic helper (as much as humans can be), thinking about how our actions affect the world before acting, and of embracing and expressing one’s creativity. Trying to understand others goes toward making more inclusive, universally-positive decisions on everything from politics to workplaces. More people feel welcome to elaborate from their perspective on best practices on all manner of topics and tactics when they can feel represented.
You can’t please everyone all the time, but you can at least set up an environment where those who are negatively affected by a decision can speak up and feel heard, providing a platform for better decisions and ideas down the road. Creativity feeds into this too: when someone feels seen and presented in a positive way, they’re more at ease to add their thoughts and stories, which only expresses further perspectives. Those two things all work together to strengthen connections between people, since knowing where someone’s coming from and being aware of what bothers them prevents insults and hurt feelings as much as possible.
By the way, an added bonus: when approaching the world that way, you can also feel like a Disney princess, since animals other than humans are less likely to be afraid of you. Pet dem doggos and kittehs and corn snakes and anglerfish (when they want pets of course), share the love!
A Set of Practices
This is the most fun part when making this up. And for me, it’s a pretty simple set.
First, when possible, look at the moon.
Working nights means I see the night sky a lot, and when it’s not cloudy (or screaming rain) the moon is hanging up there somewhere. And like millions of others across human history, I’ve found it a good source of inspiration for art and stories, so why not keep it close as a sign of those things? For me it’s always stood as a sign of creativity, so utilizing it as a symbol of and for creativity just makes sense. And it’s ever-present and viewable for nearly everyone anywhere, so… nice!
In accordance with that, when it’s a full moon, try to engage in some kind of creative activity. Drawing, making music, writing, the type doesn’t matter; staying creative and flexing those muscles is the ultimate goal. Just try to create on a regular basis. It’s not necessary to share, or sell, or anything else. Make it because you want to make it. After that, whatever you decide to do with what you’ve made is up to you.
Speaking of the sky, if you can find a star in the sky you can always locate–I’m personally a fan of the center star of Orion’s Belt–use it as a marker for something important to you. This can be a sign of an achievement, a friend or loved one, just something you hold tight. The point is to keep that or them nearby, remind you that you’re important to someone or that you’re capable of something specific. Use it as an easy way to remind yourself. You deserve to feel proud, to feel loved, and to be aware of that whenever possible.
The final thing is to ask yourself consistently “What do I think?” That’s another thing my mother would ask me often in my formative years: think about whatever the thing you like, what you believe, who you think you are, and ask that question. It bothered me as a child, but the older I’ve become, the more I’ve learned about who I am and what I keep precious. What do you believe, and why? Who are you today, is it different than you were yesterday? Where are you in your life right now, and what needs to happen to improve that in the future?
This should branch out to the world around you too. “What do THEY think?” It shouldn’t be only “what do THEY think about ME”, but an attempt to understand what’s going on through another person’s eyes. This is always an imperfect process, since you’re not in their head (and if you are you should probably be arrested, because… WOW), so it’s OK to not get the full picture. It’s the attempt that matters. Everyone has a unique set of experiences that comes to affect their judgement and view of what’s around them, so putting in effort to see through their eyes helps in everything from work collaboration to romantic relationships.
And that’s about it! It’s a pretty simple framework, a couple of specifics to keep in mind, and a fun-to-say name to embody the lot of it. There’s no tithing, no evangelism, no off-putting statements about blood or sacrifice or scapegoats. The point is to be aware and improve yourself. Try to be an understanding person and you’re basically there, minus the silly name.
The Lore
“In the beginning was the Mug.
The Mug was empty, the farmer feeling a lack before their long day toiling within the fields.
One morning, as the farmer stared into their Mug with quiet despair, a voice called in the distance, echoing within the Mug.
‘Take this, the Bean, for I love you my friend.
I, the god Kotifei, bestow upon you this Seed from my heart so you may till your fields and share my love to all.
First grow, then harvest, then roast, then grind, then add to heated water.
Drink when you require comfort, and there you shall find me.’
The farmer did as they were instructed, and soon their field was filled with blooming coffee plants.
And lo, their Mug was filled with strength and love.”
-The Book of Koeifei, 628 C.E.
Kotifei is still shrouded in much mystery, but is known to be a shapeshifter. There is no record of their original appearance, only the forms that have been taken over time. Most recently, alleged sightings have included the following characteristics:
- Cooking/Barista aprons
- Colorful hair (blue, green, pink, both light and dark purple, etc)
- Various and numerous tattoos
- Piercings (the locations and types are highly debated)
The first cups were said to have been drunk at dining room tables and ordinary countertops, and when houses of worship were established, the entire buildings would smell of fresh brews. When converts would travel, they brought beans with them, and the different soils and environments would bring out different flavors and scents. Scholars are still trying to determine the original Mug it was drunk from, or at least what it would have looked like, but it’s more of a hobby since they aren’t too concerned with it; the original brew is more interesting and harder to pin down, anyway.
More is sure to be added later, once it has been discovered (and/or dreamed up and written down).
Aaaaaand scene.
What do you think about my religion? It’s mine and it’s made for me, so I’m biased and think it’s pretty awesome, but if someone grabs you as well I’d love to learn more about my religion. I’ve never been much of a salesperson, but this is one product I can get behind without question.
Stand Tall, friends. May Kotifei being a helping hand in seeing the world no only as it is, but as you’d like it to be, and assist in guiding you towards how to make that happen.
(Disclaimer: Multiple cups of the holy stuff were drunk in preparation of this dissertation. Had to keep the body and spirit sacred, after all.)